Why Should Courting End with Marriage?

One couple recently stated a common complaint, “We’ve grown apart. We don’t have anything in common anymore. We’re here to see if there’s anything in our relationship worth saving.” Yet, by the time they completed MODULE ONE in Millionaire Marriage Club, they were glowing with happiness. All it took was shifting their attention to what they have to appreciate in each other, giving love in each other’s love language, and wonderful marriage dates to reenergize their love. The deadness they had been experiencing was because they had quit paying attention to each other.

It’s important to note also, that when given these assignments they had to face their resistance to being nice to each other. The practicing of daily appreciations, giving love in the other’s love language and planning a fun date meant letting go of, or forgiving the offences of the past. The “list of wrongs” needed to be burned up in order to genuinely focus positive attention on each other.

Rules for a Fun Marriage Date

One of our dates was to Disneyland's California Adventure!

If the children are with you, it’s a family date. If friends are included, it’s a social date. Those dates are important, but don’t count for your marriage. A Marriage Date is only the two of you doing something together that you both enjoy. The four children of the couple noted above were so excited that Mom and Dad were going on a date! This is a common reaction of children. Their emotional security rests on the love and respect they sense between Mom and Dad. They want you to enjoy each other!

Fun dates can be a picnic in the park with a walk included. I remember one of our dates was to drive through a neighborhood known for their elaborate Christmas decorations. I think I brought a thermos of hot chocolate along. Jim and I both loved table games. We had a tote bag with our favorite games that we took along on most of our dates. If the weather was nice, we played games at a park. If it was cold or raining, we’d go to a mall that had a big food court where we’d play, or to a library that had windows overlooking a pleasant view. During our lean years, we’d squeeze a matinee and a two-for-one burger out of our $25/week date budget. Our weekly dates are one of the things that kept us glued together until we found the marriage help we needed.

Mystery Dates

An ice cream date!
A senior african american couple enjoy an evening on the town with ice cream

Every three or four months, one of us would plan a mystery date for the other. For example, I would plan activities that I knew Jim liked that would fill a whole day. I’d tell him how to dress for this date, but that was all the information he got ahead of time. It might be breakfast at the beach, a matinee, a few games, dinner at his favorite barbeque restaurant, then to Angel Stadium for a ballgame.

I remember one of his mystery dates for me began with a drive to breakfast right on the ocean (which he knew I loved). On the way he played a few love songs that he’d put together just for me. After breakfast he dropped me off at a quilt store and told me to take my time. He stayed in the car with the newspaper and a crossword puzzle. Later we wandered around an outdoor food court in Hollywood and sampled many different kinds of exotic foods. We changed into dress clothes and ended up seeing the stage production of The Lion King. It really didn’t matter what we did. It was the effort he took to put together a day he thought I would enjoy that made me feel so loved.

Courting Lasts Forever in Healthy Marriages

Why stop a behavior that brings so much pleasure to the two of you? Every day we make choices based on our priorities. If having a happy, loving marriage is your priority, then regular fun marriage dates must happen. Yes, parenting is important. So is your profession and house work and mowing the lawn. But at least twice a month, set those things aside for a few hours to simply enjoy being a couple. Here’s some great date resources listed on Amazon! Check out MODULE ONE of Millionaire Marriage Club for more ideas that nurture your marriage.

You have my love and support,

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