We all want others to treat us with respect. Ask yourself, “Am I as committed to treating others with respect as I am to being treated with respect?” Identifying some characteristics of respect may help. Here are some characteristics of respect…
Behaviors That Demonstrate Respect
- Arrive on Time. Arriving on time shows respect for the person’s time who is expecting you. Arriving late is stealing the other’s time…using up time that wasn’t assigned to you.
- Communicate. With the proliferation of cell phones, this is amazingly easy. If you are unavoidably detained, call or text the person waiting for you to inform them when to expect you. If it’s an important issue, make a face-to-face date to communicate about it! Texting doesn’t work for highly emotional issues.
- Keep Your Word. If you promise to be home at 5 p.m., then make sure you are home at 5 p.m. Keeping your word is the foundation of trust. Not keeping your word is being unfaithful.
- Live Your Priorities. If you’ve stated that your marriage and family is your highest priority, make choices that demonstrate that priority. Anniversaries, birthdays and other holidays are not optional. They are symbolic of the priority of family connections.
- Make a Few Key Habits Non-negotiable. I interviewed Yitzi Weiner recently, the editor of Authority Magazine. I asked Yitzi how he maintains the priority of his marriage and family. He set a few foundational habits in stone. He turns his cell phone and computer off for one twenty-four hour period every week. He is 100% available to his family.
- Walk With Your Partner! Charging ahead of your partner sends a message of dominance, superiority and disrespect.
Respectful Communication
- Respectful words are Non-Attacking. Respect does not accuse, name-call, make fun of, demean, criticize, collect a laundry list of complaints or ignore. Respectful communication speaks from your own point of view. Some examples are, “I’m concerned about…,” or “When this happens, I feel…,” or, “What I would like is…”
- Speak in a Calm, Neutral Tone of Voice. No sarcastic put downs. No yelling.
- Respectful Communication Takes Turns. No interrupting the other, or talking over the other.
- Respectul Communication Listens. Use a simple skill like Listening to Understand. When someone speaks to you, repeat back what you understand. It reassures the speaker that you are paying attention and want to understand their point of view. When you repeat back what you think was meant, it allows you both to know you accurately understand what is said. If you got it wrong, the speaker has a chance to clarify. (It does not mean you have to agree, just understand.) Good listening prevents misunderstandings, keeps fights from escalating, and sets up a pattern of mutual respect that makes resolving issues much easier.
- Make Respect a 24/7 Commitment. My late husband Jim and I learned how to speak respectfully to each other. We made communicating with respect 24/7 a lifetime commitment. We kept our word to each other. As a result, we never had another fight…or even another harsh word between us. You can learn those skills in our book, How to Stay Married & Love It! or the online course, Millionaire Marriage Club.
- Clearly Ask for What You Want. Don’t make others guess what you need or want. It’s unreasonable to be hurt if you haven’t been clear. Verbalize your expectations ahead of an event. Don’t assume the others involved have the same expectations. Expectations, clearly expressed, prevent misunderstandings.
Respectful Conflict Management
- Manage your Anger or Fear. Do not use hurt feelings or frustration as an excuse to vent your anger AT your partner, child or anyone else. Anger and fear are powerful emotions that give us valuable information. When you use your strong feelings to attack a person, it invariably causes damage or escalates an argument. There is NEVER a good reason for verbally attacking any person or expressing your frustration by putting others in danger, (such as driving recklessly.) Safely vent anger by hitting a tennis ball against a backdrop, pulling weeds, journaling, going for a walk, etc. Return to discuss the issue when you are capable of speaking and acting with respect.
Treating others and yourself with respect is a demonstration of positive character. Yitsi believes, “All the world’s problems could be solved if everyone acted with positive character.”
Respectful communication is taught in Millionaire Marriage Club. Take a look here!
You have my love and support,
