Independence is a Worthy Goal
“Do it myself!” is a familiar cry to the parents of any toddler. It’s the demand of a healthy child who is eager to learn. Gradually gaining independence is the goal that healthy parents want for their child.
Independence is highly valued in our culture. Our forefathers fought for our independence from England. We even have a national holiday named after our success at winning independence.
When is DIY a Problem?
DIY is a problem when a person builds a bridge without first learning about weight, stress, wind-force and strength. You don’t hire a woman as president of a corporation without having first received appropriate training with lessor positions of responsibility. Most cooks take for granted using recipes from a cookbook. My neighbor just watched hours of u-tube videos to learn how to fix his daughter’s transmission. One popular HGTV program features a contractor who steps in to fix the disasters created by DIYers!
Is Marriage a DIY Project?
In previous centuries, a man had to provide a roof and food for his family. A woman had to cook, clean and bear children. Marriage was largely an economic and practical partnership. You married and stayed married no matter what. Romantic love, companionship, and mutual admiration were amazing bonuses, if you were lucky. A marriage was whatever you were able to make it…a DIY project.
In the mid-twentieth century, the rules began to change. Women wanted and deserved more autonomy. Many women could now support themselves. Divorce became a culturally acceptable way to get out of a marriage that “wasn’t working.” For the first time in history, everyone expects the ideal marriage…faithful, sexually fulfilling, supportive of each other’s goals. Now we expect marriage to be an equal partnership. We want to be happy with each other.
DIY Marriage Failures
Now roughly fifty percent of first-marriages end when being in love isn’t enough to make them happy. Of those couples who seek help (counseling, classes, etc.) most have been unhappy for about seven years. And many never seek help—just assume that they made a mistake by choosing the wrong partner or “grew apart.”
The Good News
Beginning in the early 1900’s educators began studying marriages that were happy. What characteristics or habits made those marriages happy? Can unhappy couples learn happy-marriage skills? The answer found in many landmark studies is “Yes! Unhappy couples can become happy by duplicating the practices found in happy marriages!” The good news is that many couples are eager to learn how to create and sustain the marriage of their dreams. Many engaged couples seek premarital educataion hoping that will insure their success.
It’s time to move marriage out of the “do it myself!” category. Achieving a happy marriage may require education, coaching or mentoring to achieve the level of success couples today want! It’s time to remove negative stigma of asking for help to create a loving marriage. In an ideal world, marriage skills education would be as ordinary as computer skills training or driver’s education or reading the directions for playing a game.
The book Jim and I co-wrote shares how learning better skills gave us the marriage of our dreams! How to Stay Married & Love It! Solving the Puzzle of a SoulMate Marriage
Are You Courageous?
A happy marriage in not an act of chance. Admitting you’ve made a mess of what started out to be a love story, takes an act of courage! A great marriage results from behaviors and attitudes that are learnable from an experienced coach or teacher. Those of us who teach, learned these skills ourselves from someone willing to teach us. There’s no need to struggle on your own, taking years to learn what works and what doesn’t. Or worse, believing it’s an impossible goal and giving up. Shorten the learning curve and get faster results by enrolling in a class, or hiring a marriage coach. One couple recently was thrilled to find the resolution to their twenty year issue in MODULE SEVEN of Millionaire Marriage Club!
You may pay $29 for a few cups of Starbucks coffee per week, or a monthly gym membership or a business subscription you value. Enrolling in Millionaire Marriage Club or the Stepping TwoGether Edition is free for the first seven days. After that, you only pay $29/month to learn strategies and skills that are characteristic of the happiest marriages.
You have my love and support,