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I’m about to celebrate my eightieth birthday. I know. It’s hard to believe! But I have eight decades of living and millions of memories of people, things and words spoken that changed my life. Some of those events were almost unbearably painful. And yet, the pain inevitably led to life lessons I wouldn’t trade for anything! Today, however, I am recalling words spoken to me that changed my life for good.

“If we ever have a little girl, we hope she will be just like you.”

There’s no doubt my parents loved me. But, due to their limitations, they didn’t know how to make me feel valued, loved, special or important. Rob and his wife Bobbie were the leaders of the Junior Department at our church. They were driving several kids home after an event, and I believe, deliberately arranged for me to be the last one they dropped off. I was sitting between them on the bench seat of their car when they delivered the above message. I was too shy to speak, but I thought, “Really? You’d want her to be just like me? You must think I’m special…” That day I felt loved…valued…and the beauty of my little girl self felt recognized. It changed my life.

“Now THAT was professional book report!”

From the moment I learned to read, I read voraciously! I devoured all the Nancy Drew Mystery books. I brought home 8-10 books every two weeks when my class went to the local library. Anytime I wasn’t required to sleep or do chores, I read. And I dreamed of writing a book of my own. I wanted my name to be cited as “author.”

In a high school English Composition class, the assignment was to write and verbally deliver a book report. I made mine on Pearl Buck’s The Good Earth. The moment I completed my “speech,” the teacher clapped his hands together and, in a loud voice, shouted the above words. I’d never told anyone I wanted to be a writer. But his words spoken reached into the depths of my dream and reassured me that I could write well.

“I believe you have a book in you!”

Jim and I were on our third date, if I remember correctly. We were having a very serious discussion about whether or not I’d allow him to kiss me. I’d had my heart broken the previous year and wasn’t ready to get too serious, too quickly. I was making the argument for being friends for a while before seeing if our relationship had a future. After all, if we couldn’t be friends, how could we expect to potentially have a successful romantic relationship? Jim was so impressed with my logic! That’s when he blurted out the above statement. I couldn’t believe my ears! He didn’t know my dream of being an author! Where did that idea come from? I agreed to a chaste, goodnight peck at the end of our dates! Smile. He didn’t know it but he began to win my heart with that affirmation that I could write a book.

“Now is a tough time, but the time will come for you to write your book.”

We’d been married for about fifteen years. Jim knew how deeply I longed to write the story of how we transformed our marriage from highly conflicted to deeply loving and respectful. But my drug-addicted son was living with us due to his severely damaged heart. We were told he could die any day. My energy was consumed with cooking nutritious, salt-free meals, taking him to doctor’s appointments (which he hated,) and coping with his druggy, ADHD disrespectful and disorganized behaviors. Oh, and, managing my grief and anxiety about the fact that my beloved first-born would not, could not live much longer.

While carrying laundry up the stairs, I noticed a note left for me by Jim. In it, he wrote those life-affirming words. This time would eventually pass. Soon this season of grief and excruciating challenge would be over. My journey with this precious son would be completed. And then, it would finally be time to fulfill my dream of writing a book. I sat down on the stairs and sobbed. I cried for the loss of my son, but also cried because my beloved husband knew my heart, respected my dream, and believed in me. He ended with, “I love you!”

“Yes! You can write!”

I’d written the first few chapters of How to Stay Married & Love It! Solving the Puzzle of a SoulMate Marriage. But I was still insecure. Would anyone read it? Would it be helpful? So I made an appointment with a professional editor. She edited master’s and doctoral theses. The three-ring binder that housed the first three chapters I’d completed was opened. She began to read…stopped to tell us her fee…turned to the next page and kept reading. I said, “Thank you for your fee information, but what I really want to know is, can I write?”

She slapped her hands on the table and said, “Didn’t you see me? I started reading and couldn’t stop! Yes, you can write!”

We completed our agreement and left. On the way home I was ecstatic! Laughing! A flood of energy was released by her encouragment! I couldn’t wait to continue writing! Jim was laughing too, but also saying, “Why didn’t you believe me? I told you!”

In the following four months, some days I wrote until 3 a.m. before going to bed. Some nights I’d wake up at 1 am with an idea and get up and write until dawn. I finished two full books in that time… the original “How to…” book and its sequel, How to Stay Married & Love It EVEN MORE!

Our Words Spoken Have Enormous Power

Our words spoken are so powerful. What we say and the way we say it has the power to crush a spirit, discourage creativity, direct the course of a life to fail. Or, our words can encourage, support, bolster belief and help move a life toward worthy accomplishments, healthy relationships, and the doing of good deeds.

I am so grateful for those who fanned the flames of my desire to be a woman worthy of love and respect as well as a published author who brings wisdom to the world. In the past thirty years, many of my clients have complimented my ability to put challenging concepts into simple language with motivating illustrations. I treasure their words. But none are as precious to me as the words spoken when there was no proof, nothing tangible, no book to hold…only a person’s confident belief in me.

Pay attention to what you say and how you say it. We have the power to change a life for good…or for bad.

You have my love and support,