A Few of My Old Limiting Beliefs:
- I must be perfect in order to be loved.
- I am not lovable.
- I am a terrible mother if my children misbehave.
- God must not love me because my first husband died.
- God is stern and judgmental and is paused, waiting for me to do something wrong.
- Something must be wrong with me because I want different things than my parents wanted for me.
- If I’m good at something, I must do it.
- If someone is unhappy with me it must be my fault.
- Being proud of myself is sinful.
- …You get the idea.
Some of these limiting beliefs disappeared as I matured, and could identify a belief as unreasonable. Several of these limiting beliefs required therapy to discard. I’ll never forget my coach telling me, “Just because you can do something better than someone else doesn’t mean you have to do it.” Sigh. Relief.
Beliefs Dictate Our Reality
A limiting belief is something we consciously or unconsciously chose, (#1 on the train) usually at a very early age. I unconsciously chose that I must be perfect to be loved because I didn’t receive love in a way that was meaningful to me. As a child I interpreted that to mean I wasn’t good enough. Children tend to blame themselves for anything painful they experience. As a child, we don’t have the mental maturity to view the circumstances and people involved with more comprehensive understanding.
The problem is we unconsciously carry these immature, limiting beliefs into adulthood where they often continue the cycle of pain. For example, the attempt to be perfect to earn love will always bring disappointing results. The goal is impossible. Few persons will recognize and appreciate your perfectionism enough to satisfy you. The perfectionist always ends up feeling resentful and taken advantage of.
So How Can Limiting Beliefs Be Identified?
Feelings (#3 on the train) like hurt, angry, insecure, lacking confidence, can be traced back to the track (#2) of a negative or limiting belief. When you are beating yourself up or thinking negative thoughts about yourself, those thoughts come from your (often) buried beliefs and result in painful feelings.
Then we make life choices based on those painful feelings that came from a limiting belief. The results are circumstances or relationships in our lives that we don’t like. Life is giving us uncomfortable feedback from choices made based on limiting beliefs.
Most humans then blame the other person, or the government, or the economy, or…something out there, rather than recognizing the proof that we’ve been operating from a false, limiting assumption. And, once a limiting belief is in operation, we filter out any evidence that something else could be true. We only recognize events or circumstances that “prove” our limiting belief is true!
How to Choose an Empowering Belief
In spite of discarding many limiting beliefs, there have been a few that have been so deeply buried and persistent that I haven’t been able to shake them.
- I’m too old to build a truly successful business.
- My books aren’t good enough to go mainstream. (Even though hundreds of clients have praised them!)
- I’ll never be a successful speaker.
- I’m too shy to network.
- Millionaire Marriage Club will never have more than a few members.
- (Despite plenty of evidence to the contrary,) God really doesn’t approve of me. I’m not good enough.
As you may have recently read here, I’ve been following the work of David Bayer. He has cracked the code on exchanging limiting beliefs for empowering ones. I’ve learned that the original limiting belief was a choice, albeit a largely unconscious one. Therefore, an empowering belief can also be a choice…a conscious choice…the opposite of the limiting belief.
Therefore, I choose to believe:
- I am just the right age to build a hugely successful business.
- My books are full of wisdom that many more people would be grateful to discover.
- I’ve already spoken eloquently and will continue to improve.
- In the next year, Millionaire Marriage Club will enroll 500 new members.
- This week, I am networking with 800-1000 business leaders at a conference. I am bold and confident.
The Results of Choosing These Beliefs
Look at #5 on the train. First of all, my confidence and energy have exploded. I am planning business moves that, in the past, have been too intimidating for me. I am beginning to feel the love that God has been so generous to shower on me all of my life. When doubts or shadows of those old beliefs enter my thoughts, (and they do!) I recognize them as lies that were never true. I remind myself of my empowering belief that is injecting new life into me and, as a result, into my business. As a result, hundreds, or even thousands of people will be influenced by my message creating more loving, lasting relationships.
You may remember I recently did a skydiving adventure. At times these new beliefs are so powerful I am in emotional free-fall similar to what I felt jumping out of a plane at 13,000 feet! But, I also am feeling liberated from lies that have bound me…limited me…for most of my eighty years.
What Beliefs Are Holding You Back?
When you feel bad about yourself, ask, “What am I believing right now that is causing this feeling? How would I feel if I chose to believe the opposite?” Warning: Deeply embedded limiting beliefs have produced a quality of life that reinforces that limiting belief. It may not feel real to choose the opposite! That’s why it’s important to immediately begin looking for evidence to support the new, empowering belief!
I’m keeping a journal of evidence. Every time a client compliments me or my writing, I jot down that evidence. Every time a new membership comes in for Millionaire Marriage Club, I jot it down. When I make a bold appointment to promote my coaching, I write it down. These things are evidence that the old belief was never true. The old belief produced results that made it seem true, but the evidence that it was never true is what I’m documenting now from the new beliefs!
If you recognize yourself in this newsletter…If you know you have limiting beliefs and want help to identify and exchange them, make a complimentary appointment with me. We’ll work on this stuff together!
You have my love and support,
