Do you have a habit that fits this definition?
I recently heard a definition of addiction as “any habit that doesn’t support healthy bodies or relationships.” TheCravingMind by JudsonBrewer. Granted, some behaviors/habits are more destructive than others, but the definition is so broad as to include all of us in one way or another. Is it possible we are all addicts?
In saving my marriage to Jim, I had to look at my habit of communication with sarcastic put-downs, unwanted advice and caustic criticisms. All of which created emotional distance and resentment between us.
It was like learning a new language to share my feelings rather than my opinion about what he was doing wrong. Listening with the intention to understand Jim’s point of view was a new skill. But after about three months of intense focus, I replaced poor habits that created a poor relationship with much better habits that produced a peaceful, loving relationship. Those habit changes paid off! We got the marriage we both wanted! It was worth it!
My son Steven’s journey…
My elder son, Steven, had to look at his habits of relieving anxiety and anger by drinking and especially drugs. Toward the end of his life from congestive heart failure, he decided he could only die with self-respect if he cut these destructive habits out of his life…cold turkey.
He did it! And every day until his life ended, he took advantage of NA meetings, a therapist appointment, and sober friends to support that decision.
“Cold-turkey” is the only way to change a bad habit. It’s a decision you make once and then reinforce in every moment of impulse.
Our marriage journey…
In my mind, when I wanted to react badly to Jim, I had to, in that moment, choose to exchange the habitual words/attitudes for new words with a better attitude. Chosen over and over again, new habits were formed that produced the kindness, respect and deepening love that we both craved.
Many of us turn to drugs, alcohol, obsessive anxiety, social media or retail therapy to calm anger, anxiety, sadness or loneliness. When we’re ready for freedom, we must choose a new response that results in a healthier body, mind or relationship. Most of all, it’s a decision…an empowering decision that by choosing over and over again, becomes a new normal.
It isn’t easy, but it is SO doable! I habitually reach for food when triggered by sadness, boredom or stress. Thanks to my friend and therapist Klia Bassing, I am learning choose alternatives that will give me a healthier body and, God willing, a longer, more productive life.
We are all addicts!
What habit/addiction are you ready to change? I’ve tried to change bad habits by myself with willpower alone. I’ve learned that changing major, deeply ingrained habits requires (for me and most of us) a support system…a community. That means I must humble myself to admit I need support. It also means discarding old beliefs like, “I’ll never lose this weight.” And, “I should be able to do this by myself.” Instead, I decide, “It’s smart to admit I need help. It’s empowering to turn to friends when I need comfort or support. I will choose healthier options just like I chose more respectful ways of communicating. I know I can do this!”
This blog was originally published a few years ago…
But because I’m human, and not always consistent, I needed to be reminded of these principles of personal growth! I need to remember that it’s OK to ask for help. I need to reinforce empowering beliefs rather than allowing my mind to repeat discouraging beliefs. Let’s talk! Click HERE for a free consultation.
You have my love and support,
