I once spent hundreds of hours sewing Christmas gifts for all of my family members. A dress for my mother. Holiday table runners for my grown children. It took about three days to mix up, bake and frost about 600 of our family’s favorite Christmas cookie we call Gingies. Most of this was motivated by my desire to give nice gifts at very little cost to our strained budget. By Christmas Day I was exhausted. They appreciated the gifts, but at what cost to my enjoyment of a “joyful” season?
The following year on the first of November, my heart sank with dread. I let myself think about my options for a few days. I decided on a plan that was outrageous, daring, and scary, but also courageous and in keeping with the meaning of Christmas and a JOYful season.
I Decided to Choose Joy
What if I only did activities, including the preparation of gifts for the family, if I could do them with joy? Could I allow JOY to be the only criteria for whether (or not) something got made, baked, or prepared as a gift for those I love?
My experiment began. Day after day I checked inside asking this question, “Do I feel joyful about doing any Christmas Prep today?” Day after day the answer was “no.” So, I enjoyed the decorations others were putting up around their homes. I enjoyed the Christmas music playing in the grocery store. I observed with some wonder the frantic stress of others as they tried to add Christmas shopping and gift wrapping to their already busy lives.
But What if…
As the days passed in personal peace, I began to worry a bit. What if this is the first year my children and their children don’t get a stash of Gingies? Will they still love me? Can I actually deprive my family of one of their primary pleasures because I want to (selfishly?) remain joyful throughout the Season?
I bought gift cards for the grandchildren, (which they love more than wrapped presents because they get to choose whatever they want!) I bought four gorgeous poinsettia plants and scattered them around the house. I put a previously made holiday table runner on the dining table and Christmas themed pillows on the sofa. I checked with my husband. “Are you disappointed to not have a tree or lights to decorate the house?” He didn’t care about a tree and was relieved to not have “yard lights” on his honey-do list!
Finally…
I woke up one morning and checked inside. Finally, I was rested enough and joyful enough that baking Gingies sounded like fun! Over the next three days, I baked and frosted about 400 Gingies. Each of our grown children and grandchildren got a box of a dozen or more. The important part for me was that these Gingies were infused with my joy! It truly WAS a joyful season!
Some evenings Jim and I walked around the neighborhood enjoying all the decorations. (I hope they gave joy to the members of each household. It would be such a shame if someone treated it as just a yearly chore.)
One evening we drove to a nearby neighborhood. One homeowner coordinated music to the pattern of lights blinking on and off. We parked there and watched for a while. The time and expertise it took to create such a stunning display amazed us.
Counter-Cultural Choices
Many years before this turning point, I broke another holiday “rule.” I quit mailing Christmas cards! I figured that if a person or family was important enough to me, I’d keep in touch throughout the year. Who decided that sending Christmas cards was a requirement?
In the year described above, I made another counter-cultural decision to choose JOY over being frantic, tired and resentful about preparations for a “traditional” Christmas.
I don’t remember where we spent Christmas Eve or Christmas Day that year. Probably with one of our adult children and their family. But, I vividly remember the deep satisfaction that I felt because I truly enJOYed every day of the joyful holiday season for the first time in my life! I gave what I could give with joy. I made and shared gingies with joy. I was rested and able to actually give attention to the meaning of Christmas for me. What were the outcomes, you ask?
The Outcomes
The Year of Choosing Joy was such a resounding success that I’ve practiced Choosing Joy every year of the thirty years since then. I have no regrets. My children and (now grown) grandchildren treasure the Gingies I give them as more important than any store-bought or hand sewn gift they could receive from me. In the past thirty years I have never again felt dread as I see the holidays approaching. My family still loves me! And I love celebrating Christmas with JOY!
You may be one of those amazing persons who loves everything about the holiday season. You love the hustle and bustle, the challenge of coming up with the perfect gift for each person. You may decorate your yard, and your Christmas tree may be worthy of a magazine photo shoot! If this is fun for you, go for it! If all the work involved is labor that pleases you, then I’m happy for you! Don’t change a thing!
But…
If you, like me, dread the shopping, cooking, decorating and January bills to pay, then do you have the courage to Choose Joy? Or, at least to make some changes in your priorities so that you can enjoy the holidays and take care of yourself?
I present this challenge: Choose what is most important to you. You might take a poll of your family members asking each of them, “What is most important to you about Christmas? Which activity or food brings you the most joy?” Then, make it your priority to provide at least one item on each family member’s “This is Christmas for Me” list. Be sure to include yourself in this poll. The goal is to enJOY the holidays in whatever way is important to you.
Can you imagine that the holidays are over and you’re looking at the New Year feeling rested? What about the possibility of listing your priorities for the coming year from a clear mind and a heart overflowing with gratitude for the year just past, and savoring your joyful holiday experiences? I’d love to hear how it goes…
You have my love and support,
Perhaps you’d like to talk about saying “YES” to choosing joy! Schedule a complimentary appointment HERE