My first husband was a very good man. AND, he worked seven days a week, leaving home about 6 am and normally arriving home at 5:30 pm. I was fortunate to attend college while he worked, and later to tend our two baby boys while he brought home a regular paycheck. He was proud of our boys and loved helping to care for them when he was home.
Nevertheless, I was unhappy. I didn’t hear, “I love you” very often. We never went on dates anymore. I wanted time with him when his attention was on ME!
I tried complaining. I nagged. He heard how neglected I felt. These tactics only served to make both of us more unhappy.
I’ll do anything!
Finally, in desperation, I told God, “I’ll do anything to change the trajectory of this marriage. I’m even willing to change if you’ll just tell me what to do!”
I imagine God chuckling. Maybe he said, “I finally have her attention!”
The next evening at 5:30 pm, the phone rang. I had dinner prepared and was expecting him to drive up any minute. I answered. He said, “I’m in Bakersfield picking up a broken tractor. I won’t be home until about 1 a.m.”
This had happened in the past. And in the past, I had what I thought was a normal reaction. “Couldn’t you call me before I fixed dinner? Surely you knew you wouldn’t be home until late!”
This time, I clamped my mouth shut and sent a quick prayer to God, “If you’re going to help me change, you’d better give me better words to say, than what I’m planning to say!”
These words came out of my mouth… (God’s Lesson #1)
“Ok, honey. I’ll be glad to see you when you get home!” Silence. I think he might have thought he’d dialed the wrong number!
I was up feeding our baby when he bounded in the back door, hugged me, and said, “You have no idea how much your words made me WANT to come home!” God’s lesson to me #1: My words have magical power! I thought, “Maybe God knows how to make an unhappy marriage more happy! Could that be true?”
God’s Lesson #2: Being Thankful for My Husband
Although Lesson #1 impacted our marriage positively, it was God’s Lesson #2 that created the greatest transformation.
I was almost constantly unhappy because I wanted more attention…more quality time (as I later learned from Gary Smalley was my primary love language.)
A day or two later, I heard a quiet whisper in my soul. I was to begin thanking God for every minute I had with my husband rather than complaining about what I didn’t have. After the results of the magic phone call response, I was ready to listen!
I began what I would now call a spiritual practice. Every evening when I heard his truck pull into the driveway, I said a prayer of gratitude. “Thank you that he’s home safely. Thank you that he wants to come home after work! Thank you that he’s such a good father. Thank you for the next couple of hours I have with him before bedtime.”
A Transformation Through Practicing Gratitude
I began to change as I practiced gratitude rather than complaining. The energy between us began to shift from tense and angry to more relaxed and happier. I definitely wasn’t the perfect, happy little wife all the time! But, there was enough of a change so that we relaxed after dinner and talked more.
About a month later, he stopped as he was leaving for work one Saturday and said, “I’m thinking of coming home at noon today. Is there anything you’d like to do?”
I was almost speechless. It was the first time he volunteered to come home early in order to spend time with me!
I don’t remember what we did…maybe a picnic and an ice cream cone…but I felt content. I knew he was with me that afternoon because he wanted to be, not because he was trying to stop the nagging.
Gratitude Transforms People and Circumstances
There have been other times when I’ve seen transformations as the result of practicing gratitude. We came through a difficult time financially with every bill paid on time. A son stopped using drugs. We found a home to purchase against all odds. A gift was given that was previously denied.
When I practice gratitude, doors open inside of me to see and receive gifts. Circumstances change. There appear opportunities that could not have been planned.
I continued my practice of daily gratitude until he unexpectedly died. I found gratitude hard to practice for a long time after that. But in the years since, I reignited my belief in and practice of gratitude with many more examples of its power to transform.
Are you willing to experiment? Will you practice gratitude for a situation that, for now, you are complaining about? Do it for a minimum of one month and see what happens.
You have my love and support,
