Falling in Love is Easy!
The energy of new love is so all-consuming that we’re sure (1) we’ll be happy forever, (2) we’ll resolve any differences without fighting, (3) neither of us will ever vomit, have uncontrolled diarhea, be unfaithful, disagree with our parenting, professional or decorating decisions, or be so rude as to contract a life-threatening illness!
Unexpected Destinations
Every couple wants to live “happily ever after” in the tradition of the best fairytales. But most expect it to just happen because they’re in love and, in the beginning anyway, committed to each other. But, again, most couples put more time and money into preparing for the wedding than preparing for the marriage…again, due to the assumption that they’ll live happily ever after because they’re in love and committed.
Love and commitment are both important…even essential. But there’s another ingredient that most couples don’t know about and aren’t trained to include in their marriage. So, after a few years, they may find themselves in Divorce Court, or the sleepy little town of Emotional Detachment, or the fiery border town of Constantly Fighting, or the community of Discouragement because nothing is ever resolved.
A Marriage GPS System
What is needed is clear instructions…a map…to get you from where you are to where you want to be. BTW, where DO you want to be? Every couple gets to decide their destination for themselves. Usually, however, they want some version of happy, able to work out differences without fighting, feeling emotionally close, appreciated and best friends. They want to enjoy doing things together and be good at meeting each other’s sexual needs. Sound good to you? Keep reading!
Investing in a Marriage GPS
Step #1: Admit you need help! For some, this is a huge hurdle that’s hard to get past. It requires humility and a realistic assessment. It means recognizing that if you knew how to get where you want to go, you would have already arrived!
Step #2: Find an efficient and accurate GPS. Many couples who find me say they’ve been to 1-3 therapists who just listened to them complain for 50 minutes each week, but didn’t give them practical tools or directions to start them on the right road to their goals. A good therapist has a valuable place in personal growth and healing from trauma. But most don’t have the training for guiding a couple from unhappy to blissful!
Finally! We’re Happy
Steps # 3 and #4 are just as essential as #1 and #2! #3 is PRACTICE the directions your Marriage GPS gives you, over and over again, until you have etched a roadmap in your brain. You know how to deeply hear your partner when it is needed, how to discuss an issue without fighting, but until you find a great solution. You enjoy frequent times of simply being together. You cheer your partner’s efforts and goals and celebrate when they succeed! Everyone needs a cheerleader. Everyone needs a best friend! It’s even better when you get to cuddle up with your cheerleader/best friend every night!
#4 is to Close the Back Door! Agree together that divorce is not an option! You seal up the place where energy might be leaking out of the marriage. By Closing That Back Door your only option is to learn and practice Happy Marriage Skills with all of your energy until you arrive at the destination you have chosen.
Yes, I Know…
I understand and even believe that some marriages have to end. That’s why we have the legal option of DIVORCE. But most marriages just need to (1) admit they can’t get where they want to go on their own, (2) invest in an effective GPS, (3) follow the directions repeatedly until they’re habits, and (4) refuse to consider any other destination!
If you’re ready to take Step #1, you can take a look at my GPS system using this link: Check Out Nancy
It takes courage to embark on Step #1! I know! Jim and I were in your shoes at one time! So were Zack and Stacy, Joe and Tina, Mel and Padmini, John and Shannon, and hundreds more.
Quote by an eight-year-old boy to his father on the eve of his dad’s second marriage, “Dad, this time when you make a promise, I want you to keep it.”
You have my love and support,
