Nancy Landrum, M.A.
MY childhood dream was to have a more loving marriage than I observed in my parents…and to write books to help others have a loving marriage! I had the dream of a loving marriage but only learned the skills to create that outcome from being in the Marriage Classroom with my first husband, who died shortly after we were married, and then my second husband, Jim Landrum, a widower with three children.
After struggling in agony for a few years, Jim and I found someone to teach us simple, powerful skills to improve our communication and manage our anger. Jim and I taught classes to couples for eleven years. I earned my Masters Degree in Spiritual Psychology. Together we wrote the book telling the story of the skills we learned to rescue our very troubled marriage. Then Jim died in 2005.
After a time, I realized the only thing I was deeply passionate about was helping others learn and use the skills that gave Jim and me the marriage of our dreams. Altogether I have taught classes and coached couples for twenty-five years and published seven books. But I wanted to make these amazing skills available to thousands of couples, not just one or a few at a time.
In the Fall of 2016 the inspiration struck for Millionaire Marriage Club. This is the vehicle that can deliver the understanding and the motivation to turn your marriage from struggling, or mediocre, to enchanting! Be sure to check it out!
If you're looking for one-on-one coaching, click here to read about my Private Coaching!
You can also join me on Facebook!Click here to get in touch with me!
Wow. Very enlightening. I have a child that gets frustrated easily, and I get frustrated with his frustrations. After a blow out on Sunday morning (he was very mad and crying and I was mad and hollering) I remembered that listening to understand may be useful to de-escalate arguments and solve misunderstandings. So I tried it...I started acting like a grown-up again, and put aside my anger and frustration and asked my boy to tell me how he feels. As he spoke I repeated his words back to him. I just listened to what he had to say and made sure that he knew I heard him by repeating his words back to him. Slowly, but surely, he stopped his sobbing and crying. As he talked I continued to listen to understand and he continued to calm down ( I also continued to calm down). After just a few minutes of listening to understand I really felt much better and a lot more relaxed. I can't speak for my sons feelings after our short conversation, but and I'm pretty sure that he felt better too.
Carmen's husband was unwilling to be coached, so she came by herself for several months. This is her report more than a year later:
"It is my pleasure to refer a very good friend of mine and I know you will be so helpful to her like you have been to me. Your Pungent Boundaries book is probably my favorite book of yours! The kids and I are well. I’m still going through a lot with (husband) but I’m staying strong and keeping my boundaries like you taught me. You have empowered me tremendously and it has helped me keep my inner peace while seeking Jesus to stand beside me as my guide. I can’t ever thank you enough. That year I saw you was the best thing a I ever could have done for myself."
I especially appreciate Nancy's explanation of Perception Checking. What a simple, valuable communication tool. I see how using Perception Checking would unveil truth and deepen intimacy rather than triggering hurt that comes from misunderstanding. Along with other gifts from the course, this is definitely a keeper!
Nancy has deep inner wisdom. This is especially obvious when it comes to helping couples create a relationship that happily lasts. Nancy helps each person gently and lovingly break down the barriers caused by wounds so that both parties are able to hear each other. Nancy is a master at helping couples do this. I would not hesitate to recommend her if you're looking for support in making the transition to a more loving, lasting, and thriving marriage.
Nancy has wonderful insight when it comes to turning a wounded relationship into a healed one. She gave us all the tools, guidance and direction we needed to take our almost completely broken marriage and stepfamily and restructure it into the loving relationship and family we dreamed of. We did not think it was possible, Nancy was our last hope. We both learned that sometimes the way to make a relationship and family flourish isn't always what our parents showed us growing up. What Nancy shared with us not only transformed our thinking but showed our kids what a respectful loving marriage looks like. We committed to the process, made adjustments, had patience and then witnessed a miracle.
Jim: “We were married in August 1999. We had each been married three times before. The odds against our marriage lasting were great. Statistically we were told that we had a 5% chance of making it. We each knew that it would take a lot of communication skills to get through our issues. (By practicing Listening to Understand) we were able to get deeper than the data level down to the feeling level. Once we were there and felt each other’s concerns, arriving at a solution was easier. I felt Sheri from the inside: her pains, her joys, her hopes. Her happiness and NOT hurting her became more important to me.”
Sheri says,” I really enjoyed our Skilled Discussions. I felt understood. I also felt after 12 years of communicating, that Jim finally got it! At a deeper level, our individual agendas were less important and pleasing each other was more important. Our issues became solvable. We also liked how quickly we got results and that the solutions tended to be permanent rather than just negotiated settlements that lasted until one of us reopened the discussion. We now know our marriage will last ’til death do us part. We can solve any issue that raises its head.”
Chris, “While many of us might benefit from years of psychoanalysis to become better relationship experts, few of us have the time, emotion or resources to undertake this lengthy and sometimes arduous process. Nancy takes a thoughtful, insightful yet wholly pragmatic approach toward relationship building that focuses upon the mechanisms of communication and understanding. These techniques and insights, if practiced, yield real growth and understanding in a relationship by smoothing out the day-to-day obstacles to communication and replacing misunderstanding with mutual respect, empathy, and intimacy.”
Felicia: “Probably most of us have not had the best role models for a good marriage. We enter into these relationships with all the love and sweetness, only to find out how we can't even communicate with one another. Most of our arguments stem from simple misunderstandings. It can be very frustrating and very demoralizing. Fast forward to Nancy! Yea! What a wonderful, caring, and practical coach. She is amazing! I would highly recommend her skills and expertise and already have. Her books are insightful, funny and very poignant. If you're having issues with your spouse, child, parent, Nancy can help you bridge those gaps with REAL help not just a bunch of psycho-babbel! (not sure if that's a word.lol) Thank you Nancy! We love you!“
When I first met James and Kim, she had one foot out the door, asking for divorce We worked together to improve their communication skills for the three months I was coaching them. They practiced the skills and read, not one, but TWO recommended books together in the evenings. I received the first email from Kim a few months after our work together ended.
Kim, “I just want to let you know:
You are such an inspiration. You really have taught us so much! (Which we needed desperately)
We will miss you! We both looked forward to seeing you on Saturday's. :-)
However, we discussed how excited we are to finally see where this has taken us. Such a positive direction. We are very grateful for that.”
**And one year later, I received this update:
Kim, “James and I are doing great. In my opinion, we treat each other with more respect. We are much more aware of how we say things to one another. We are positive with each other and do not beat each other up by words or how we use them when approaching each other. We really try hard to remember things don't always appear the same to the other sometimes and that is okay, but to try to see both ways.
We work very hard as a team for our family which I think really benefits us all, including the children.
James has not let up one bit since we left on striving to be the perfect husband he is.
We have both taken what we learned and apply it daily.
I know I am saying "WE" when I am supposed to speak for myself, but James is agreeing with me as I write this. :-)
Thank you for all you have done for us. Everything we have learned has gone so much further than just the relationship between James and I. It helps us better understand how to communicate effectively with our children, coworkers, family, etc.”
“We were dating and had just had our first fight. We were still upset when we went into class, and it just so happened that the topic of this class was Skilled Discussions. We role played a skilled discussion in class, and to our astonishment, we actually got directly to the core of our issue and worked it out. The feeling was amazing. This was truly a breakthrough for us--we had no idea these tools existed, and previous to this we really had few skills to successfully handle conflict. We've continued to practice skilled discussions, and it has really been key to us growing closer to each other. We've recently married and could not be happier with our communication and level of intimacy!”
Rich and Katie have a history of being very volatile…reactive. They have worked hard to learn how to manage their anger and resolve issues with a SD. I got this email from Rich this week. I have their permission to share it with you.
Some things to share- while Katie & I were in conflict this past week and were both "possessed" by our inner two year olds we managed to put that rubbish aside and work through our conflicts! It was very painful for us both, but we did it thank God and its heart warming and reassuring that we can manage and navigate out of conlficts back into a healthy state! We are learning
Katie and I went Salsa dancing last Wednesday evening and had a BLAST! I was reflecting on it while out at the farm and what a great time we had together and I was smiling to myself- felt happy inside and had "butterflies!". So when I became more aware of what I was feeling inside and why. I went on to think of other things I love about my wife and rediscovered all these AMAZING things I love about my amazing wife. I felt re-energized & filled with joy, as if I had just fallen in love with her yesterday. I was counting the minutes until I'd be back home and able to see her and hear her voice! It was an energizing experience, I concluded we spend so much time being consumed by the mundane and daily activities of life or by the stupid trivial negative things that we lose sight of the more important and positive things in our life or in our marriage
I have dreams of traveling, but my husband Earle is a home-body. We'd talked about this difference before, but when Nancy led us through our first Skilled Discussion we each understood the other's point of view better than ever before. Then Nancy challenged us to find a solution that met his need for safety and my need to enjoy traveling with him. Within minutes we had three or four options that work for both of us! I am dreaming of traveling again!
Mike: Kathy would give what felt like excessive instructions to me about how to do the simplest task. It made me feel dumb and resentful. Yet other times I was happy to hear her ideas and follow instructions.
Kathy: Great question! I don’t like it when you get huffy and tell me to stop nagging. But I don’t want to make you feel disrespected, either. So, how do I know when it’s OK to tell you what to do and when it is annoying?”
The solution Kathy came up with was for Mike to say “bananas” as her clue when he wanted to be left alone to complete a task without her “help.” A nonsense word is a great, nonsensical way to signal your partner that “it’s happening again!” The person who needs to change the habit always gets to choose the method of the reminder.